Life with Hyperhidrosis: The Struggle to be “Normal”
By · on July 15, 2010Last night I went downtown to meet up with my husband and have dinner with him and his new co-workers. Being aware that I was meeting several new, potentially important people in my husband’s new career would be a more than slightly stressful prospect for anyone. For me (or anyone dealing with Hyperhidrosis), it was a potential nightmare.
I woke up this morning with many thoughts and emotions swimming around in my head. Foremost was the question: Did I pull it off? If you also have HH, you know what I mean by that: Could anyone tell I was sweating? I would venture a guess and say, I don’t think so. Whew– I think… That is half my problem; you can never really know for certain what other people notice or what their judgment is if they do notice. I try to tell myself that I don’t care, but sometimes, I can’t help it. I do.
Well, if no one noticed last night, the only reason I was able to pull that off was because of what I wore and how I conducted myself. It is truly amazing the degree that clothing choices can make a difference in a situation like last night. And last night was like the Hyperhidrosis Trifecta: 1.) Hot, extremely humid night that kicked off with waiting for a train which was, naturally, late 2.) Seeing husband’s new boss for only the second time, meeting his wife, along with about a dozen other people at the company where my husband just started (thankfully, every single one was really, really nice) 3.) Sitting down in a very hot, packed restaurant and staying seated for about 3 hours.
How many times did I half-stand and pull the fabric off my legs? Twist my skirt around? I was startled by how bad this episode was and how nobody else seemed to be overheated. It could have been so much worse, though. If I had not worn a jersey knit, beautifully patterned maxi dress that I was confident would show nothing, I would have sat there in a near-panic for the entire evening. The food was great, the company I was in was even better; I was enjoying myself in that compartmentalized way that you do when you are struggling with HH silently. You know– trying hard to ignore the discomfort, acting as though you haven’t a care in the world, pushing down the anxiety and the sadness. Pasting that smile on your face.
By the end of the night, I was exhausted. I know my advice is all over this website: Hyperhidrosis is just a disorder… It is what you have, not who you are… If you are uncomfortable about hiding an episode, try honesty… You are not alone… I believe all of these things. I try to practice, literally, what I preach. Sometimes, though, I just yearn to be what I know all the sprays, lotions, products, and even surgery can never make me be: normal. But that’s ok. It will have to be. So, I do the best I can, wearing two very important components: the right clothes and a smile.
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