And The Truth Shall Set You Free

This is my first blog post in awhile; my computer’s hard drive sadly died!  I felt as though I had lost a limb while waiting to get back online.  While I was in Offline Land, I had an incredible experience that I would like to share with you.  I rarely talk about my life unless it involves my hyperhidrosis, so let me explain a bit of background pertaining to the circumstances of this experience…

I am a practicing Catholic and so grateful to have my faith.  My faith journey has been profoundly influenced this past year by a women’s retreat I participated in last November.  Wanting, well, needing to continue the journey after that incredible weekend, I joined the team that would host this year’s retreat.  I was blessed to bond with a team of amazing women over this past year and was inspired to contribute to the retreat experience by way of  “giving a Witness”.  Giving a Witness means that I would be sharing my life experiences and struggles, describing how my faith has defined those experiences and how that faith has helped me through times of trouble.

Throughout these many months I have struggled with whether or not I would have the courage to face a room of 40 or so women, many of them strangers or (worse!) acquaintances, and be open and honest about having hyperhidrosis.  I agonized whether it would be relevant, too uncomfortable, too personal… too hard.  Finally, I gave it over to God.  Duh, I should have done that to begin with, right??

So… Sunday morning, I stood at a podium and spoke of my life.  There were other difficulties to describe that were also of a personal nature and very emotional, but the moment when I said, “All my life, I have had a problem with sweating…” the feelings that came over me were nearly indescribable.

I explained that I felt like an outsider all my life, that I was convinced until recently that God could not possibly love me if He had made me this way; that there were 178 million other people in the world who were afflicted with this just like me.  I described the shame that ran so deep as to be nearly impossible to erase.

And I looked around that room, and what did I see in the eyes of those women reflected back at me?  Tears for my pain, empathy, love, and acceptance.

Two of those women approached me and confessed they have it, too, and asked me if I could help them.  Many others embraced me with words of support and admiration.

What was I so scared of?  I write about hyperhidrosis every day.  It is not so very difficult to be open on the faceless, anonymous world of the Internet.  I have gotten used to the general indifference and/or ignorance of hyperhidrosis online.  Being public about hyperhidrosis in the flesh and blood real world posed a completely different challenge for me.

The closing Mass was held in a room where we all sat together.  By the closing song, we were all standing, swaying, belting out “How Great Thou Art” along with Carrie Underwood… holding hands.  Well, I wasn’t.  I was laughing, fully in the moment filled with joy, with my arm around the shoulders of one sister and the grip of another’s lovingly on my wrist.  And it was awesome.

I waited my whole life for a moment like that.  And it did not disappoint.

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