Archive for shame
An Open Letter About Hyperhidrosis in Children
Posted by: · on August 25, 2010 | CommentsEarlier this month, I came across an article published in a medical journal that addressed the issue of anxiety in children, advising what pediatricians should be looking for. While the article was written for the medical community and not “lay” persons such as myself, I naturally felt the need to add my two cents.
Having been a child who suffered in isolation, I felt I had a different perspective to offer. You can read the article here and you will see that the author (who is, from what I understand, a top professional in her specialty) goes into great detail about using screening tests and other tools to determine whether a child suffers from anxiety disorder, panic attacks, or even OCD. I firmly believe an “anxious” child should be screened for hyperhidrosis, as well. Here is an excerpt of what I wrote:
“….I am writing to you because I wanted to share another perspective on anxiety in children and adolescents.
I am a stay at home mother of five children who range in ages 5-15. I also have started a website recently about primary hyperhidrosis. I hope it is not presumptuous of me, but I wanted to let you know that I suspect that at least some children– particularly adolescents– who present as anxious may actually be anxious due to hyperhidrosis. As I’m sure you already know, hyperhidrosis often appears during puberty, which is most certainly a bewildering, upsetting, and embarrassing experience.
I write about hyperhidrosis because I have had it since early childhood. I grew up with the slow realization that I was different from everyone else I knew. As I grew older, the subliminal message that sweating is shameful and disgusting (thank you, advertising campaigns of the 1970′s) became ingrained in me and I regarded myself in that light. By the time I was 13, I was anxious and desperate to make it stop. I was also too utterly ashamed to tell a soul about it. It never occurred to me that I had a disorder; I was simply convinced that I was a freak and as such, utterly worthless. This, despite the fact that I was the adored youngest child of a large, close-knit family.
One night, after sweating uncontrollably throughout Urban Cowboy (who does that during a movie??), I had had enough and was caught by my older sister rifling through medicine cabinets, determined to commit suicide. I tried to explain why I was so distraught; I finally spoke of my shame and the source of it. They (my parents and adult older siblings) brushed it aside. They determined, despite my protests, that I was suicidal due to some other family dynamics which had indeed created a tense atmosphere in our home. Of course that was a factor in my anxiety, I do know and acknowledge that. But I also know that I was an adolescent with nowhere to turn, dealing with an issue that was bigger than me. I never spoke of my sweating again until I was in my early 30′s and heard the word “hyperhidrosis” quite by accident.
I am telling you this because I know that my experience is not unique. I also know that for reasons I cannot understand, the fields of psychiatry/psychology seem to be rather oblivious to the severe damage hyperhidrosis wreaks on the self-esteem of people who are like me. Perhaps the reason is that “we” are so ashamed that we suffer in isolation and fail to explain the source and depth of our pain. It is not “just sweating”. It is the pain of being different, of not being in control, the fear of discovery through the senses of touch, sight, and smell. It is every day.
People who don’t suffer from this really, truly, don’t “get it”. Sadly, many therapists could ease this pain and are utterly uninformed and thereby make it worse. I had a wonderful therapist (an LCSW) whom I admire in every other respect, but who told me that it was all in my head; that I could completely control it with meditation and therapy. I now know how wrong he was, and I wasted a lot of time and energy on something that was not helpful.
How many pediatricians are missing this diagnosis? Hyperhidrosis has no definitive cure, but a referral to a dermatologist for medical treatment and a referral to an informed psychologist could make a world of difference to a child who is drowning in shame.
I have carved out a wonderful life, but I wonder what my life would have been like if I had not been convinced I was a freak for 33 years of it….”
I should have added that my family did try to help me through that rough period by sending me to a psychologist. If that psychologist knew that what I had was a medical disorder and had diagnosed me with hyperhidrosis, it would have saved me from a great deal of pain and self-loathing. Sad to say, I believe very little has changed since the early ’80′s in that regard. The same oversights are likely still occurring all over the world.
Excessive Sweating, a.k.a. Hyperhidrosis Discussed Scientifically on the “Today Show”
Posted by: · on August 3, 2010 | CommentsJust before we left last week to go on our annual family vacation to Door County, Wisconsin, my mother casually mentioned that she saw “a girl talking about sweating” on the “Today Show”. Given that it has been a week since it aired (sorry!), you may have seen or heard about it, but nevertheless, I have it embedded below. It covers the bases succinctly and pretty well, and it is always, always good to see hyperhidrosis get attention.
Why is it that when nationally aired or syndicated shows do a segment on hyperhidrosis, their expert of choice seems to always be a doctor? Dr. Peterson (above) does an excellent job of laying out the scientific facts; wouldn’t it be a relief if for once someone who actually suffers from this disorder were given the chance to describe the emotional impact of hyperhidrosis?
The general lack of public awareness that abnormal sweating is a disorder, coupled with the perception of sweating as something distasteful, make for a whole lot of misconceptions on the public’s part and buckets full of shame on our parts. We need to be more vocal and less ashamed.
Hyperhidrosis isn’t going away, at least not anytime soon– we need to learn to manage it if we can’t cure it. Part of managing it must include being emotionally healthy about it, and the first step to emotional health has got to be openness. Openness leads to understanding. Wouldn’t that be nice??
Could Your Adolescent Be Suffering From Hyperhidrosis?
Posted by: · on June 2, 2010 | CommentsHere is an article I have written to give parents a “heads up” about hyperhidrosis in adolescence:
Adolescence can be an exciting, emotional, and confusing time in your child’s life as well as yours. As a parent, it can creep up on you… One day, your talkative, adoring, happy child seemingly morphs into a stranger. This stranger behaves as though you are the dullest knife in the drawer, is convinced you can’t dress to save your life, and is capable of eating every potato chip in the house in one sitting. Suddenly, everything about you is an endless source of embarrassment. You must drive in the car with all the windows up just in case your horrifying taste in music or a younger sibling’s voice causes your teenager to keel over in mortification.
All that aside, it is surreal and fascinating to see the physical changes taking place before your eyes! Everything is growing, changing, developing… there is a new game in the house: who is taller than who? Of course, along with these incredible changes usually comes an increasing self-consciousness. Self-consciousness breeds secretiveness. This is normal. You must become, by necessity, two parts detective and one part Nosy Parker. We need to stay on top of all the new dynamics in a teenager’s life, and that takes a lot of ingenuity and persistence.
One of the possible changes your adolescent may face is something that very few parents are aware of: hyperhidrosis. Hyperhidrosis, by definition, is a disorder that causes the body to sweat excessively or inappropriately. Some people develop this in early childhood (I did), but it seems that most cases of hyperhidrosis appear along with the changes brought on by puberty. There are several variations of hyperhidrosis: Axillary Hyperhidrosis (excessive underarm sweat), Palmar Hyperhidrosis (sweaty hands), Plantar Hyperhidrosis (sweaty feet), and CranioFacial Hyperhidrosis and Blushing (sweating and/or blushing of the face and scalp). The most common form of hyperhidrosis is Primary Focal Hyperhidrosis, which is a combination of sweating in the underarms, hands, and feet.
Can you imagine how difficult it would be to have this happen to your body at such a time? A teenager is already dealing with the physical changes of puberty, a new-found awareness of the opposite sex, and the emotional upheavals of hormones-gone-wild. Add to this mix the self-consciousness and secretiveness that accompany adolescence.
The upshot here is that your child could be dealing with the bewildering effects of a disorder they do not know even exists, and could be too ashamed to tell you. In fact, most people who suffer from hyperhidrosis live with it for many years without even knowing it is a medical disorder. I grew up with it and until I was in my 30′s, I thought it was “just me”.
The good news is that there are many others in the world who have this disorder– estimates are that it affects approximately 3% of the global population. Therefore, there are many treatments available, as well as chat forums and websites to be found where those who suffer from hyperhidrosis can go to find helpful information and to share their feelings and frustrations.
If your child starts to exhibit anti-social behavior, won’t allow you to hold his or her hand, sweats through their clothing, or acts depressed for no known reason, try to ask them why. Ask their permission to take them to see a specialist who can help them. For the most part, dermatologists can provide the best medical treatment for this disorder. However, not all dermatologists take hyperhidrosis seriously enough or are not experienced in its treatment. Ask before you bring your child to an appointment, because a doctor who belittles the problem can make things worse.
If you think your adolescent may be dealing with hyperhidrosis, please seek help and find out as much as you possibly can about the disorder. Above all, take it seriously. Living in a body that can “betray” you at any moment is embarrassing, scary and frustrating. Too many children suffer from this alone, in silence, believing he or she is a “freak”. It does not have to be that way.
Hyperhidrosis: Hiding in Plain Sight PART II
Posted by: · on March 27, 2010 | CommentsHave you felt like me, that you were the only one? Have fear of discovery and a deeply embedded shame shadowed you as it has me? Those who read this who do not suffer from Hyperhidrosis may have a hard time wrapping their head around the idea of a shame so deep it colors one’s perception of the world. For me, it began in childhood, as it slowly dawned on me that I was different. Other kids could hold hands during a game of Red Rover and actually have fun. Other adolescents could talk about “going steady” with someone and holding hands. Television commercials made sure you knew that sweating was disgusting and something to hide: “never let ‘em see you sweat” and “raise your hand if you’re Sure”. “M&M’s melt in your mouth, not in your hands”. Why did they melt in mine? Oh, I know… because I am a freak. What other explanation was offered to me? In a child’s world– where other children can be so cruel– the only way to survive was to hide it, at all costs. When it is part of your very existence, you get good at it.
Of course, there were occasions where I failed to hide it well enough. Times where out of the blue, a teacher or someone in charge would announce “let’s join hands”. What followed would be the other person’s surreptitious wiping of their hand on their pant leg– and my small death of shame inside with a muttered “…sorry”. Going to Mass every single week became an hourlong strategy session trying to avoid the Handshake of Peace, or God Forbid (!) the joining of hands for the entire “Our Father”. I felt like even God knew I was a freak; after all, wasn’t it He who made me this way? I’m telling you, every part of my life was colored by this!
Somehow, some way, I met someone who did not appear to notice my freakishness. Truth was, of course he noticed, but he did not care. The problem that controlled my life, that ultimately I could not hide from him, mattered not one single bit. He made me feel normal, safe, beautiful. We have been married nineteen years.
About eight years into our marriage, my husband was watching TV and I was fiddling around on our new computer… and I heard a sports announcer say something about a golfer whose hands would sweat because he had a disorder– my head snapped around and of course the name of that so-called disorder was long and unpronounceable… Immediately, I typed the words “sweaty hands” into the search engine, embarrassed, no, mortified, to just be typing those shame-filled words at all– and saw for the first time the word “Hyperhidrosis”. That word told me that I was not alone. I was not some random freak. Maybe, even, there was a cure for this, if it actually was a “disorder”!! So then began the second half of my journey, the part where I could look for answers and even for others out on the Internet who were like me.
Hyperhidrosis: Hiding in Plain Sight PART I
Posted by: · on March 26, 2010 | CommentsAll my life, I have been hiding. I have Hyperhidrosis. People who are like me know and live the meaning of the saying “hiding in plain sight”. I am so good at this. So very good, in fact, that almost no one who knows me– and this includes siblings I am close with– is aware that I have always struggled with this problem. For every single person close to me, I know there have been instances when I have suffered from an all-out episode and managed to conceal from them not only the sweating but also the anxiety, frustration and sadness brought on by the episode. Hyperhidrosis has been an unwelcome, secret guest and has tainted every important moment of my life. And in those moments, I shared with no one the fact that I was struggling. I have always pretended it away; tried to tell myself it didn’t matter. Accepted as inevitable that if something “big” was happening in my life, I would be dealing with sweaty hands, underarms… all of it. With a smile on my face. Can you relate?
I have been able to hide like this because Hyperhidrosis has made me an expert at it. I know what fabric to wear, what clothing colors to stay away from, what products to use. How to sit and how to hold my body. Until I took the drastic step of undergoing ETS surgery nearly 5 years ago, it was my life every day. It was exhausting. Now, it is somewhat easier… but the secrecy and deep shame have remained until now. I have decided that living in fear has got to stop, and if I have been living a secret hell, then there must be others out there (are you out there?) who have been too.
